Saturday, December 8, 2007

Bittersweet memories

I always hate when December 8th rolls around each year. It's one of those days that is of personal significance to me, though it probably shouldn't.

9 years ago today is the day my family left Sioux Falls.

For a lot of people, they'd see that sentence and say "big deal, so what?" I often wish I was one of those people. For me, leaving Sioux Falls tore my life apart.

I was born in Sioux Falls, grew up there. At the time, I'd only lived in 2 houses within living memory. It was where all my friends were, where my church was, where my life had been built around. To be virtually torn from my roots was rather traumatic for me. Having it happen on two months notice didn't help any either. I knew my family would be moving at some point, but we'd all expected that it wouldn't be until after I was in college. At that point, it wouldn't matter a whole lot to me -- I'd already be gone.

I think that the worst part of that move was losing all my friends. As far back as I can remember, I've always been a person who had many acquaintances, but made very few friends. Those that I did make were close friendships, and were the only close contact I had with anyone other than my parents and sister. I'm honestly not sure how long it took me to recover from that move. I certainly didn't until I was at LeTourneau, which means at least 9 months. I'm honestly not sure I've recovered completely even now. I still have only 1 or 2 people I would call close friends, and I'm not sure how close they really are.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Presidential Debate Opinion II

Just finished watching the CNN/YouTube debate, so here's my scorecard:

1) Huckabee/Hunter tie
3) Tancredo
4) Romney
5) McCain
6) Giuliani
7) Thompson
8) Paul

Same judging criteria as before.

Full disclosure: I support Mike Huckabee

Hunter scored as well as Huckabee, but he was asked half as many questions. If it'd been equal time, that may not have held.


Tancredo didn't punch his "America is closed" line, which was appreciated.

Romney did his normal OK job. Mostly he got docked for taking shots at other candidates. Still seemed to dodge questions.

McCain properly emphasized his military experience and care for the troops. Again, too many shots on other candidates.

I disagree with Giuliani on a lot of issues, which is where he lost points, but at least he has logical explanations for his positions.

Thompson just seemed asleep at the podium. Between that, his shots at other candidates, and his belief in old-fashioned federalism over morality, he got hurt badly tonight.

Paul is completely out of touch with reality. Nice theory, but completely impractical. At least tonight, he brought up valid points about deficit spending.

A couple points I want to make:

On torture: I recently found out from my roommate from an NPR program he heard that waterboarding is not the technique commonly described. The normal belief is that either they have water dripping on you slowly but steadily, or put plastic wrap over your face and pour water on that. What really happens is that they pour water directly into your mouth, effectively drowning you for a few seconds. The common belief I might support as not being torture, but what it really is, I would never support. I don't know if we should be saying what is allowed, but I believe that we definitely should say what is not.

On federalism: Several candidates, particularly Thompson, believe that on issues like abortion, the federal government should get out, and let the states do their thing. In principle I agree, but there is the reality check of the Supreme Court. Given that the Court can override any state legislature, there are some questions that need to be determined at the national level. I place abortion in that category. Huckabee said it right a few weeks ago: abortion is this time's slavery debate, and it is an issue of human value. It cannot be decided on a state-by-state basis.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Presidential Debate Opinon

Well, I just finished watching the Republican Presidential Debate on FoxNews, and here's my finishing order:

1) Huckabee
2) McCain
3) Romney
4) Hunter/Tancredo (Tie)
6) Thompson
7) Giuliani
8) Paul

My criteria:

Plusses: Answers I agree with, good (but not attacking) "zingers"
Minuses: Answers I disagree with, going overtime, not answering questions

I'll fully admit that I'm already supporting Huckabee, but I still think he did the best. His answers were on-point and short, and did not attack the other candidates. He's just the most relaxed and likable candidate, but also has the experience and grit to back it up. He even advocated the one thing that really needs to happen to restrain judicial activists: impeachment.

McCain showed his consistent principles, and how his military service would make his an excellent Commander-in-Chief.

Romney did well, but didn't answer a couple questions.

Thompson was OK, but came out seeming more attacking than solving problems.

Ron Paul disgraced himself as always. His loyal base may be able to make noise and pay money, but is way too small and completely wrong.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Life of Frustration

Yet another long break between posts.

So, what have I been doing over the summer? Looking back, the short answer is not much. No vacations, no travel, no major projects, no friends. I work, I come home, I sleep. Thursdays and Sundays, I go to church. A lot of the time it feels like I could drop of the planet, and the only people who would notice would be my co-workers, wondering why I didn't show up. To this day, I doubt anybody else would really care, including my supposed roommate.

Overall, I'm frustrated. Frustrated in my job, in my church, my personal life, and in politics. I guess I'd better explain those.

My job situation's changed recently. In effect, I've been demoted, though they aren't calling it that. I used to be a Systems Administrator, basically one of 3 people responsible for keeping all the servers at work running smoothly. Over the last couple months, I've been moved more and more into being, and now officially am, a Network Security Specialist -- a fancy term for an overhyped paper-pusher. My job now is to make make sure everyone has access to the network locations they're supposed to (and nowhere else), and that all the little security software bits we use are staying updated on everyone's computers. It's the kind of job that you could hire anybody with rudimentary computer knowledge for, but has to be done by someone the company trusts. I've been selected for this august imbecility because I'm the least experienced person, and because I'm the only one who thinks about security before doing something stupid. It also means I have absolutely zero chance of any advancement within the company, and insufficient experience or contacts to have a good shot at getting a job elsewhere.

My church situation feels like it's going downhill steadily. A few months ago, my church made a decision that I strongly consider un-Scriptural. They asked for private comments from the congregation, so I made my feelings known. The pastor of course disagrees, and we ended up in an e-mail debate for about a week, until I, in a single e-mail, found a self-contradiction between what he was saying and his past statements, and brought out what is probably our base source of disagreement: I take a passage literally, and he doesn't. At that point, he went silent, and I haven't heard a word from him since. The change made doesn't affect me, so I haven't left. In the pastor's sermons, though, he's taken a couple of passing shots at my position -- saying that my position is wrong, but without providing any information or basis for people to actually think about. In some ways, I feel the only reasons I'm still going there are because I have been for years, and the Men's Group is good enough for me to stay around. That doesn't mean I'm particularly happy, though.

My personal life, really, is just going nowhere. All my old friends are gone, and I haven't connected with anybody new to fill those voids. The only person left I have a long-term connection with is Nacho, and he's here for maybe 2 days a month, on average. We enjoy ourselves during those times, but over the last several months I've seen him breaking ties with his former mentor, albeit for very good cause, and it's eating him up more than he wants to admit. Add in that his physical condition is steadily deteriorating, and he's not really willing to make the major changes necessary to improve, and I'm getting tired of having to fill the role of his Keeper. At least he knows where he wants to go, which I don't. But I'm becoming less certain he realizes how much he'll have harmed himself before he gets there.

Finally, there's the always-annoying world of politics. As a hard-line "conservative," I can't remember the last time something happened in the political arena that I agreed with. Then I look ahead to the 2008 election, and it gets worse. I've already found the candidate I support: Mike Huckabee. I don't agree with him on everything. In fact, I'm downright opposed to a couple of his key platform points as being un-Constitutional. However, they're points that are shared to some extent by all the candidates, and I agree with him on the rest of his ideas, many of which I am fervently in favor of, like the Flat Tax. The problem is that he's a "second-tier candidate," firmly in 5th place, and not even close to being a contender on fund-raising. He's operating on a shoestring budget, working off the hope (I'd like to call it a theory or premise, but honestly can't) that if he can win or do very well in the very early primaries (IA, NH, SC), it'll give him the momentum to win the rest of the country. Now, I'll be the first to say he's probably the most likable and personal of the candidates. He's got the relaxed speaking abilities of his Baptist pastor past, and is able to clearly articulate his ideas and make them sound like the common sense they are. However, he's barely keeping his campaign afloat financially, bringing in less than $1M in the just-finished 3rd Quarter, and I think his "primary slingshot" theory is fundamentally flawed. This leaves me in a rather frustrated position, because I don't think that I can in good conscience vote for any of the "front-runners," for various reasons.

So, that's my life. Not very fun. I'm going to Houston for work training next week, so we'll see if I think to post again.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

France Leads the Way?

Election day was today. I'd almost forgotten, as I did early voting on Monday. Now, the polls are closed, the counts are in, and I'm appalled by the results.

In Longview, we didn't have any offices being voted on, just 7 propositions: 5 for tax bonds and 2 related to liquor laws. I voted "no" to all the proposals, but all except one passed. I'll admit that it doesn't make me any happier, but what I'm appalled about was the turnout.

The total voting count for the election was <7,000, in a city of somewhere around 75,000. 10% of the people decided what the other 90% should do. To compare to that, the French presidential elections got an 85% turnout a week ago.

Now, I realize that a local ballot is nothing compared to a national presidency. However, it still makes me wonder, when did voting become an unimportant act? In this republic of ours, we don't really get a say in what goes on in the big picture. People like to think that they can contact their member of Congress and that what they ask that person to do will affect his or her vote, but in truth that's wishful thinking, unless the vast majority of fellow constituents also express their opinion in the same way (and oftentimes, even that doesn't matter). The closest we come to that is in a presidential election, when we vote for our representative to the Electoral College. My opinion expressed to Louis Gohmert ain't worth jack squat.

The only place where I really have any hope of being heard is at a very local level. And to see that only 10% of my fellow citizens feel the same shows how far we are from restoring any control over this nation.

I'm not really that mad that I lost this round. I'm mad that so few people care enough to spend 10 minutes checking out what the issues were, and another 30 minutes to go punch a few buttons at a polling booth. We have become so lazy that an hour of our time is too much to spare for our civic duty.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Back On

Okay, I know. I haven't posted anything in three months. No, I don't have an excuse. I've thought of posting many times, just never actually did it.

The reason that I'm finally typing away is that I'm bored. I'm in a hotel room in Houston for the week, atending a training course. So now you know what it takes for me to actually say something about my life.

So, what's been happening to me? In short, not much that I consider noteworthy. However, I'll run through the high points.

February came and went pretty quiet. The only thing I really remember was that I did my taxes. When that's the high point of the month, you know it was quiet.

March was a bit more active. I bought the parts for a new computer, and put it together. I'm still trying to get the TV card to work, but that's another story.

Also, we got a new guy in at work for me to break in (even though his position makes him senior to me). He's OK, though still getting up to speed on some stuff. He's already taken over a couple of projects that I didn't like anyhow.

April started on a bad note. My grandmother had a stroke that destroyed the left half of her brain. She went into a coma, and died a little over a week later. She had signed a DNR, including no feeding tube, so she basically starved to death. I spent the days before Easter in Ohio attending her funeral. Not exactly the circumstances I wanted to see my family under.

The rest of April was quiet. I missed a Saturday canoe trip with the Men's Group that I had really been looking forward to. My apartment's AC had died, and I couldn't get to sleep. Woke up for the alarm clock, and fell asleep again. I was very annoyed.

May looks like it'll be busy. I've got to re-work a project plan for the 5th time, and I'm getting sick of it. However, I have to have the first phase of that project complete by the end of the month, and I lost half of last week on another system failure.

In other news, Nacho's found that he has bigger medical problems than he thought. He went home to Puebla for a physical a couple weeks back, and not a moment too soon. He has severe sleep apnea, which pushes his heart rate to over 200 in a vain attempt to keep his blood-ox levels up. Recently, this has resulted in his blood pressure crashing during the day and his almost fainting. He also doesn't get into REM sleep, so he's been walking around exhausted for a couple years. He's now got a respirator for use at night, so hopefully it'll let him sleep properly. Time will tell. He also finally has a court date later this month on selling his house, so we will officially be roommates again.

We'll see when I write more.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Settling In

With January come and gone, many things have changed in my life. New year, new home, new responsibilities, new church, even a new age. Fortunately, I can look back on these one at a time.

2007 came to me like most years, quietly, watching the ball drop on TV, alone. Can't say I really mind, as everyone I know will tell you I'm not a party person. I'd rather worry about retraining 12 months of muscle memory and putting the right number on everything I date. I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions, either, but something Dave Ramsey said on his show on that last day stuck with me enough for me to write down. He was talking about goals, how to make them, and what they had to be. He gave six categories for goals, and four requirements.

The categories were:
  • Career
  • Financial
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Family
  • Social
and goals must be:
  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • For a specific time limit (no "one of these days" allowed)
  • Your own (not someone else's goal for you)
That's gotten me thinking, and starting to wonder what goals I have, or should have. No good answer for that yet. I'm not an ambitious person, nor one to really push for something (which explains a lot of the "perpetually single" part of my bio). There are things I want to do, but I always feel like most of those desires are the hands of others, not me. Something to keep thinking about, and I'm trying to have some sort of goal set by the end of the month.

The apartment lease was signed the first week of January, and we cleared out most stuff that weekend. The furniture barely fit in the U-Haul, but fit it did, and we managed to get it all moved in one trip. Our measurements of the apartment were nearly perfect, and the floor plan we'd worked up was fine. Then the next 3 weeks of shuttle-runs of more boxes of stuff (mostly mine) that either didn't fit in the U-Haul but could wait, or just wasn't packed by then. I am happy to say that I unpacked the last box Saturday, and just have to go get some drywall screws to hang stuff on the wall to call our move Complete. Next step is getting Nacho to actually go through with it and sell the house, so he can officially join me here -- not that it makes much of a difference, given how rarely he's in town.

To my astonishment, things have smoothed out at work. At the time of my last writing, I had serious doubts about my new manager. The very next day at work, I found out our department head had transferred to a newly formed position in the company, and that the manager I trust the least had been named to succeed him. I still have some serious doubts about his ability to lead, as well as my manager's ability to manage, but for now they're keeping their hands out of my business. We'll see how long that lasts. Also, the newly-formed position of Senior Systems Administrator was filled shortly before Christmas, only to be vacated again mid-January. From what my manager's said, I'm not confident on the caliber of whoever his replacement will be. The answers to those three personnel questions will determine the longevity of my stay.

No, I didn't leave Fellowship Bible Church. We just moved 100 yards. After 5 years, our Worship Center is finally complete. They made some design choices I wouldn't have, and there are still some things that need to be fixed and tweaked, but it is amazing to see the place full. For this month, there is only a single service instead of 2, and we're not even cramped. Now to see if the new building brings an unnecessary pomp to the proceedings. I hope it doesn't, but there are disturbing signs.

Last and least, my birthday came and went. Like New Year's nothing too fancy. But then again, most people don't consider watching the State of the Union Address to be much of a birthday party. That's OK, too. 26 isn't that different from 25.

Now that the past has been examined, on to the future. Given the only thing of note in February is Valentine's Day, I expect (or at least hope for) a very quiet month.